Houseboat in The Backwaters of Kerala

My houseboat arrived at noon at the hotel’s boat landing and I climbed aboard, glad to be free of Ayurveda but sad to be leaving the hammock and swimming pool. There were 3 men, in their early 20s as crew. I wasn’t expecting luxury on the boat but the bed was horrendous, exactly the same tortuous “mattress” as in Wayanad. Thankfully the furniture in the front of the boat, where I would be spending most of my time, was comfortable and mentally planned to sleep on the front bench which had a nice, padded cushion on it.

We stopped for lunch after only 1 ½ hours. I really didn’t appreciate being served up enough food for four people though despite it being wonderful. It’s a bit like buffet food, I never enjoy that either as I feel inclined to eat more than I actually want to. The lunch consisted of popadum, fish, 3 different vegetable dishes, a salad, pickle, yoghurt and enough rice to feed a small Vietnamese army. Hmmmmm.

A little light lunch

I was keen to get going but it’s all very relaxed on the houseboat so after a siesta (for the lads, not me), we got going again. There were hundreds of these houseboats around, made from wood, bamboo and coir (coconut hair) They range in size from 1-7 bedrooms. A quick stop at the local Tesco’s to stock up on a few things (Diet Coke for me) and we headed out into quieter waters.

The local supermarket

I was waited on hand and foot and I think they realised that they had a cushy deal with me as I kept saying no to everything they offered but I couldn’t resist a cup of masala tea of course.

Cuppa tea

Today, India were playing The Convicts in the Cricket World Cup Quarter-Finals. Unfortunately the TV didn’t work while we were chugging down the canals, so as soon as we moored for the night, the lads jumped into action trying to position the satellite dish on the shore which was hilarious. Our arrival had caused the village kids to come out and say hello and ask for pens and money. They were definitely hindering our attempt to get the TV working so were shoed off and a local farmer came to collect his 3 goats, tethered to palm trees next to the boat, maybe they weren’t satellite friendly.

I wanted to stay on this boat

After about half an hour, success and we caught the last couple overs of the Australian innings. It was with great glee that the first ball we saw was Ponting’s wicket. I cheered more than the Indians; it took some explaining to vindicate my hatred for the cheating, spitting, repulsive, little man. Usually, the staff are banished to the stern of the boat but I invited them to stay and watch the game with me, which I know they appreciated. Thankfully they weren’t into guttural snorting and spitting so it was good to have their company.

As we were watching, the chef was cooking prawns and the smells were mouth-watering despite me not being very hungry. At around 8.30pm. dinner arrived. It was ridiculous them bringing me all this food. They explained that they ate the leftovers (I ate all the prawns) but still, there is no reason to bring me 5 different curries and 8 parathas.....A fabulous victory for The Indians and it was time for bed. I said I preferred to sleep on the bench but the staff sleep on the floor in the living area so they lugged the cushion to my bedroom, which really did make a difference. I even had air conditioning which was welcome as it was roasting in my bedroom.

Queen Mary - my boat

I didn’t sleep too badly considering the circumstances. I thought it was just the mosques that had a call to prayers at 05.30 but no, the local Hindu Temple was blaring out music at a similar hour and even with earplugs, the noise woke me up, as did the 3 lads stomping around the boat a little later on. It looked a bit cloudy outside and the atmosphere hung as if it would rain. After 3 ½ weeks of as good as wall to wall blue skies and sunshine, I still didn’t like those clouds, especially not on a boat cruise. They were well-behaved clouds though and didn’t split open.

I went for a short walk along the shore at around 8am. The local villagers all said hello to me, I even got a moo out of a cow and a whole lot of cockle doodle doo’s from the roosters. It was all very serene, colourful and picturesque.

Village house and boat

Little canal

I was still full from the previous days feeding so I had to tell them that I did not want breakfast but I still got a whole pineapple cut up and some tea and toast. I nibbled away just to not offend anyone. Then we were off. The canals continued to be very broad and lined with trees. For some reason, I expected them to be much narrower, not quite Amsterdam style but less than 100 metres. I asked, when and where do they get narrower and in true Indian fashion, I was told “Yes Ma’am, later, later” with a wibbly wobbly head. It’s disconcerting Indians saying yes and shaking their head at the same time. They never actually shake their head as in “no” as “no” doesn’t exist in India.

Millpond Canal

The backwaters are unmistakably, beautiful and it is fascinating watching people going about their business. One word which sprang to mind whilst staring at them was “washing”. Washing themselves, washing clothes, washing dishes, washing food, all in the canal. I have noticed on my travels that Keralan people are extremely clean and absolutely meticulous about hygiene. Considering the sweltering temperatures, I have had a whiff of body odour just once since I arrived. I know for sure this wouldn’t be the case in the UK or Holland in 34°c.

Nice

What makes this place so idyllic is the setting of water and boats followed by palm/banana/mango trees, tiny cottages, then behind them paddy fields with hardly a road in sight. Everyone travels by foot, bicycle and of course boat. Each family is involved in agriculture some way, be it in coconuts, rice, mangoes, bananas and the animals like chickens, goats and not forgetting those lovely cows roam happily around. Manesh, who was the better English speaker, told me that they eat a lot of duck at home too.

Canal one side, paddy field the other side

Eventually, we darted down a much narrower canal and the water disappeared underneath a complete covering of water lilies. Children waved and shouted out hello, mothers ignored us and fathers scowled. I got the impression most houseboats didn’t come down here.  All 3 lads live fairly locally to Alleppy and I shouldn’t have been surprised we stopped around lunchtime at Manesh’s house. Why do I keep ending up at people’s houses? I had another ridiculously huge lunch served to me on the boat while the staff jumped ship and Manesh’s family and neighbours stared at me like a freak. This combined with a bout of constipation, (a side effect of painkillers tramadol and cocodomol) made me fell less than comfortable. It didn’t help that the people lining the shore just loved to shout at each other too creating an irritating din. I would have retired to my room if it hadn’t been for the rock hard bed and it resembling a sauna. (No air conditioning between 8am – 9pm.).

A canal covered in water lillies

Things went a bit downhill from here, not that you can really change altitude on a canal. I don’t think the lads were taking me to the most beautiful areas as we seemed to stick to very wide waterways and lakes and then slowed down to walking pace for some reason that no one would tell me. I was smelling rats. My sense of direction is quite good and we were approaching 5.30pm when houseboats must legally moor up, and I had a feeling we were quite a way from Alleppy where I had to get another boat the following morning at 10am. and if today was anything to go by, we wouldn’t be on the road until 9am. I voiced my concerns and even though I had told Manesh what my plans were, he said “Tomorrow we go to Kumarakom”. Oh dear, here we go. I produced my voucher which said “Kumarakom – Alleppy” but that was not good enough and I was told to phone someone. Who I’m not quite sure, my agent had booked it and the details he and I had were correct so I wasn’t sure what I could do except get a bit annoyed. Finally, we did a 180° turn and broke the 5.30pm curfew by 20 minutes, slap wrists. My mood did the same about turn as I sat and watched a stunning sunset.

Thankfully, the chef had listened to me and my dinner was just a simple fish curry with chaphatis and very very tasty. The owner of the houseboat hadn’t paid for the satellite TV so the cricket went off at the interesting point so I couldn’t witness South Africa getting beaten by the lowly Kiwis. I wasn’t in India to watch cricket but the armchair was comfortable and there was nothing else to do on the boat. I turned in and had an early night.

My crew