To Heaven and Hell

Washing in the river and a cow

What a fabulous setting, amongst palm trees, bamboo and lots of different fauna situated on a river where women were doing their washing and cows were going moo. The grounds of the villa were stunning, well-kept and the cottages where everyone stayed looked like little mountain chalets. The air was clear, clean and sweet. Blissfully, there was no noise, no traffic, no building work - just silence.
 

One of the cottages

It was brilliant to get out off the car and be greeted by friendly faces. Soon enough I heard the familiar voice of Soren and I called out. “Anyone selling guitars here?” He looked well. He accompanied me to the dining area where I got some lunch. The first warning bells went off in my head – no comfy chairs. All the chairs were either made of solid wood or were L-backed, neither of which I can sit on. There was a bench running the length of the covered balcony outside which had a bit of padding on but not a lot!

I ate lunch which was bland and cold washed down with warm water with some herb in it which is supposed to help digestion. It tasted pretty vile and after the journey, I really could have done with an ice-cold Diet Coke. No way José. After lunch, I was shown my appointed cottage and immediately started to panic. The bed was ROCK hard, not firm but really board-like. The last time I tried to sleep on something like that, I couldn’t walk for 4 weeks afterwards. I begged for them to find me another mattress. The whole cottage was very basic but I expected that. I had about 2 hours to kill before having my first consultation with one of the 3 doctors and had been advised not to sleep, despite having had none the previous night. I had  a poor excuse of a shower but washed regardless. However. something niggled in my mind and I didn’t unpack.

At 5.30pm, I met with Dr. Ajit and gave him what seemed to be my life story. He asked lots of weird and embarrassing questions about lots of things, especially toilet habits then briefly examined me and then went into the whole Ayurveda philosophy. To be honest, I kept going blank, I was seriously tired and all these weird words confused me. He then started talking about my treatment which was completely different to what one of the other doctors had indicated to me on previous emails. Maybe I was being naive, I had pawed over their website but had I thought that the disgusting parts didn’t apply to me. Oh no, I had signed up for the full vomiting, purging, enema program! I stuttered and explained I was here for the special Kalari treatment on my back. I was told that no treatment could be done without the whole cleansing thing too.

Soren had told me all about this and there was no way I could do it, mainly because of having to drink milk and eat porridge. These are probably the only 2 things I refuse to drink/eat apart from the dreaded banana. Panic no. 3 set in, this was not going well.

I eventually left the doctor in tears and went upstairs to eat dinner, which was disgusting along with more warm, crappy water. Not only was a tired beyond all imagination, I was thirsty and could not quench it with this butchered water. I craved a normal glass of water but was refused. I was not having a good start.

My mattress didn’t get changed but I was given a thin piece of foam to go on top of the existing rock. It made next to no difference. In a terrible, emotional state, I phoned Barry and explained what had happened so far and I already was thinking of bailing out, it was more the inability to get comfortable anywhere than the horror treatment. My back was hurting badly and it didn’t take anything Barry said to persuade me I shouldn’t be there but I would sleep on it anyway. Despite being given a so-called sedative from the doctor, I couldn’t sleep, I was hellishly uncomfortable and every time I made a micro-movement, I got stabbed with pain. Eventually, I gave in and took some tramadol which made me more comfortable but also had the side-effect of keeping me awake.

The whole Ayurvedic principles involve body AND mind and my mind had just tacked back into the negative. Despite the setting being beautiful, there was as good as no internet, disgusting food, barking dogs, slamming doors, screaming kids,  and all this on top of 28 days of never being able to chill out somewhere, I had fear and dread as emotions instead of the positive mind I came with. I explained this to another doctor the next day and decided definitively I had to get out. With the decision made, I felt guilty and a complete failure.