Off to Kollam

There is more than one way to get to Kollam, my next destination. I just preferred to go by the Government boat service rather than the noisy road and I will be getting the train back to Cochin. Grudgingly, I was dropped in Alleppy but not at the same place where the boats go to Kollam so I hailed a tuk tuk. I was almost 1 ½ hours early for the boat but I amused myself talking to some locals and some backpackers, of which 2 were getting the same boat as me. The first Dutchie I had met on my travels, Danielle and her English boyfriend, Chris were on their way to Ashram, the hippy village where there’s a woman who hugs everyone. They live outside Tilburg in the south of the Netherlands and it was good to have company on the boat, which was surprisingly comfortable and empty so there was plenty of space to lie down and chill out. This Government run service takes 8 hours down the waterways to Kollam and costs 300 Rupees. It made us realise that the houseboat tour is grossly over-priced at 6,500 Rupees per day!

The trip didn’t go without incident. We broke down for about 45 minutes and had a couple of crashes, in fact the driver was seriously rubbish. There was an allotted stop for lunch at a pretty place God knows where. We sat down, a piece of green paper was put in front of us (with thousands and thousands of banana trees around, why use paper when we could eat off a banana leaf, which incidentally, do not smell of bananas), rice, runny dhal and 4 curries were dolloped onto our piece of paper and a popadum and that was lunch. 75 Rupees. I have eaten a lot worse!

The boat to Kollam

Fishing Boat

After Ashram where I bade farewell to Danielle and Chris and made tentative plans to meet up with them on Queen’s Day, we were well behind schedule but that didn’t prevent our tea stop at 4pm. At least the toilets were clean at the tea place whereas the one on the boat got riper and riper as the journey progressed. The scenery became less beautiful and before long the plastic made an unwelcome return and I saw my first signs of something close to poverty with the make-shift shacks on the canals. Everyone was smiling though and the boys and young men played cricket in the sand dunes and amongst the palm trees. Approaching Kollam, colourful fishing boats lined the canals. Apparently, this is still a thriving fishing community, which is good to hear.

The canal and sea are separated by narrow strips of land. At one point I saw, what looked like, the building of sea defences. With the tragedy of Japan fresh in my mind, it was obvious that if something similar happened here, these communities would be entirely wiped out.

The last part of the journey was uninteresting and smelly! It was dark by the time the battered boat moored up so I got into the first taxi I could and asked him to take me to my hotel. At least I got to have a ride in an Ambassador Nova, great looking cars. The driver almost point blank refused to drop me at my hotel as it is a 5 star hotel and obviously 5 star people don’t travel by public ferry and look like backpackers. He kept asking me the name of the hotel, thinking I must clearly be staying somewhere else.  Of course, this annoyed me and I had to shout at him to actually drive into the hotel grounds.

Everything went steeply downhill from then in The Quilon Beach Hotel (formerly The Beach Orchid). I was given a room where there was some seriously bad pounding noise. I was so tired, I just wanted a much needed shower as I was filthy and lie down and watch England get thumped in the cricket but I could not ignore the thumping noise. I complained and eventually was moved to another room but as soon as I had settled, the same noise came back, a pounding that was too regular to be the bass of music, more likely to be something to do with an air-conditioning unit. Even watching a film or music with my headphones on, I could hear it so I complained again. 3 hours later, it subsided about 85% but I had to use my ear plugs to eliminate the remaining din. Through sheer exhaustion and with the help of valium, I fell asleep only to be woken up at 07.15 by the telephone with some eejit saying “You requested tea making services”. I had been very good so far not to swear at Indian people and it took all my resolve to not let loose a tirade of abuse. My sleep is sacred and when it is interrupted by some half wit, I get angry, very angry.

The noise was back too so I went downstairs to complain and asked for the manager. Of course, I knew no hotel manager would be on site first thing on a Sunday morning but I was pointed towards some poor 18 year old who got the brunt of my vicious tongue. There were so many absolute pants things about this supposed 5 star hotel and I couldn’t blurt them all out. One reason I booked this place was it advertised a roof top swimming pool so I could chill out and relax in the sunshine. No rooftop pool or rooftop anything. The hotel still advertises it in the hotel literature, in the lift and on the big hoarding they have on the road outside but it hasn’t been there for over 2 years. The other tiny swimming pool has nowhere to sit at all. I asked the teenager for the real manager, who was not available and was lead to have some breakfast which was vile and the breakfast room was full of mosquitoes. I returned to my room but the pounding noise was so loud now, I had to decamp to reception where at least they have comfy seats. Internet is an unbelievable 280 rupees per hour or a ridiculous 550 rupees per day. This place was seriously pissing me off.

The lovely rubbish tip next to the swimming pool

After 40 minutes, some man approached me and just looked at me. I hate this. If you are the manager of a hotel and I am a very unhappy guest, you should at least announce yourself “Good morning, my name is........, I am the Manager of the hotel, I understand you are unhappy with some things about the hotel, is there any way I can assist you?” Instead I just got a stare so I just stared back. Eventually I gave him the home truths about his pathetic hotel but he still didn’t listen, just showed me another room, still with the same noise and said “This is very good room, direct sea view, you want to move here?”

“NO! I don’t care about the sea view or the view of the simply disgusting, dirty and litter-ridden beach, I want a quiet room and somewhere to be comfortable by the swimming pool – please can you just listen to me!?” I would tolerate all these things if I was staying in a 2 star hotel somewhere but to advertise yourself as a 5 star hotel is blatant lying. To date this is the worst place I have stayed in. I made sure this so called manager, who had curry spilt down his tie knew that I would reporting this hotel to Travelogics in Cochin and that I was a travel writer and would be reporting on this shambles (Blog writer didn’t sound very impressive).

Back to reception, to write this while the smoke comes out of my ears and we’ll see what happens next.

Kollam Beach after being cleaned - it is still disgusting

I have been offered a room on the top floor, which materialises to be the 7^th out of 10 floors. It’s still noisy but at least I have a comfy sun longer by the pool which is most definitely not clean. I got in once just to cool off but I wouldn’t submerge my head in it or if I had open wounds, they probably would have got infected.

Back in my room 3 of the plugs didn’t work and there was no hot water. When I asked about the water, I was told of course it was on and I was given a patronising lesson on how to turn the tap to warm. 10 minutes later, an engineer came to the room and said the hot water wasn’t on yet. I hadn’t eaten yet so went to get some food. Both restaurants are advertised to be open all afternoon but that is rubbish too, closed until 7pm.

As the sun is going down, about a million people come onto the beach and bring their litter and play extremely loud music. I would have left Fawlty Towers but I had paid for 5 nights up front and was told I would get nothing back if I left. Anyway, I’m curious on how much else can go wrong.

There is absolutely nothing to write about Kollam. It has a filthy beach, it’s noisy and the weather has been very hot and humid that walking around is unbearably uncomfortable. It still hasn’t rained during the daytime since I’ve been in India. It did during the night once in Munnar and once in Kumily. I wish it would pelt it down now. All I feel like doing to do for the next 2 days in watch cricket on the telly and look forward to getting back to Cochin.

Actually I got up this mnorning (Wednesday 30th March) and went to watch the fishermen drag in their huge nets from the beach. A lot of man power for so very little output. No idea what the fish were that they caught but they looked like whitebait, very small silver things. 

Total catch was 4 of these baskets full of little tiddlers

I have just been out to try and find a bit of company and food and watch the cricket (India v Pakistan). I failed miserably as everyone seems to watch it at home and the streets were deserted. There were crowds around the TV shop window and around the shops which had a TV but I couldn't find anywhere to sit down and watch so wondered back to the hotel, stopping to get some indescribable but yummy street food, a cup of chai, a glass of fresh pineapple juice, 2 big packets of Indian Wotsits and 4 bottles of water (1 litre each), total cost of all that was 110 rupees. To be honest, was quite glad to be back in the hotel as it was 36 degrees out there and I was having problems replacing the fluids I was rapidly losing!